Self sabotaging since 1993

Fight or flight

How much negativity can a person take before they snap? Before reaching the point where there is nothing left inside. I imagine that time comes when you can’t even see any good in any situation anymore. When you always expect bad over good. I know that I am not there. Yet at least.

I have been trying all my life to not be the kind of person that lets other people get to you. Let their words hurt you. Let their attitude shake you or simply just let their opinion of you make you feel insecure. But who am I kidding – as a sensitive person these things do get to me. Possibly even more than many other people. I get very affected by the mood or atmosphere in my surroundings. If that bad mood is also projected towards me, you can only imagine my shiver and inner panicking. This is the root for many over analyzed thoughts and unsaid words. Trying to predict other peoples next move to optimize the chance of satisfying them or make them like you better.
This is simply a way of survival.
There is a few people in my life whose negativity really gets to me. Really destroys my mood and put a shade on a normal, nice day. To let somebody else have that power over you is the most FRUSTRATING thing I can imagine. It makes me feel weak. And yet it is still obvious to me that nobody else is that important in your own life to have that kind of power over you. The power to basically destroy you with their negativity, bad mood, words.

I still stand up for myself. I know my worth and what kind of crap I should not take from other people. That still does not mean that the words and negativity does not crawl under my skin and stick there. Haunt me in the night. Bruise my already beaten confidence.
I am considering my options. Two basic instincts of the human being; fight or flight. Do I fight this battle, bring out my inner bitch and start playing dirty myself? Or do I simply find a way to escape these situations, these people, this aspects of my life. I haven’t snapped yet, I know that. But I am also not sure if there is that much energy left inside for any kind of fighting that doesn’t involve writing a bitchy post on my own blog.

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Self sabotaging since 1993